Bourdain and a Bordeaux Walk Into a Soup Bar

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Hello, friend.

So, it happened. The haunted kitchen has been restored to all its former glory.

HVAC system leak: resolved (knock wood)
Damaged drywall and paint: repaired
Warped cabinet: replaced

All that remains is to install the replacement smoke alarm, because someone threw the baby (smoke alarm mounting bracket) out with the bathwater (damaged drywall).

Anyway— we’re back to just regular chaos now.

Actually, that’s not quite true. The kitchen feels calmer these days. Cooking with the ghost this week was easy-peasy, and I don’t just mean the recipe. I mean the whole process. Cleaning as I go, like an actual responsible adult (I know, shocking). Here’s how that looks in my world:

• Unload dishwasher

• Put dirty dishes in dishwasher

• Wipe off countertops and stove

• Cook

• Put dirty dishes in dishwasher

• Eat

• Put dirty dishes in dishwasher

• Wipe down countertops and stove

• Find cup and spoon hiding behind the hydroponic tomato garden

• Put dirty dishes in dishwasher

• Run the dishwasher

✨ Chaos managed. (For now.)

This Week’s Recipe: Soupe au Vin (Les Halles, p. 049)

Of course I had to make this one. It’s practically a moral obligation given my love of wine—though, for the record, I no longer drink it. I can occasionally have it cooked, because the alcohol (or most of it) evaporates during the process. The exact amount depends on time and temperature, but I’ll let you do the math if you’re into that sort of thing.

When I pick a recipe, I like to do a little research first. Usually that starts with Google and ends with some guy on YouTube who cooks Anthony Bourdain’s recipes. Here’s his Soupe au Vin episode—he’s entertaining and surprisingly informative. (Bonus: he also makes an Elvis-style sandwich in this episode if you’re in that kind of mood.)

That was Chef Park’s Shin Ramen and Chapagetti mash-up I linked in last week’s issue, The Mirror Crack’d and the Onions Cried. You really should make it. Trust me.

Shopping and Prep

I popped into the liquor store to grab a bottle of Bordeaux. Luckily, the tariffs weren’t in place when the “Great State of Utah” stocked up, so I paid a mere $15.99 plus tax. A steal.

Note: Do not use that cheap bottle of Cabernet unless you want your soup to taste like cheap Cabernet. Get actual Bordeaux. And remember, it’s not real Bordeaux unless it comes from the Bordeaux region of France. Comprenez-vous? Bon.

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The recipe calls for five leeks, which looks like a leek forest once it’s in your fridge. The amount of green that gets discarded always feels wasteful. I keep telling myself I’ll cut them into thin strips and weave little baskets like people do with yucca leaves. (Future project, perhaps.)

If you’re new to leeks: you only eat the white part. And wash them well—they hoard fine sand like secrets in a spy novel. You do not want gritty soup.

Then there’s another whole onion, finely diced, and a cup (or 225 grams) of bacon. I weighed mine; chopped up, it looked like way more than a cup. But I’m also someone who believes some ingredients should be measured with your heart—and bacon is definitely one of them.

After that cooks down, add the boiled wine. Then comes the chicken stock. I grabbed one of the pint jars from my freezer. (This, friends, is why you leave space at the top before freezing.)

The stock was decent but not quite ghost-approved, so I beefed (chickened?) it up with a little Better Than Bouillon until he gave me a slow, spectral nod.

After that, it’s just a simmer (with the addition of a bouquet garni)—about 45 minutes of cozy bubbling and delicious smells.

The Results

I debated what to serve alongside it since it’s a lighter soup. In the end, I made garlic bread, and it was perfect. Crackers and a good blue cheese would also be divine.

If you expected this soup to be as delicious as our other onion-heavy endeavors, you won’t be disappointed. But if you don’t like the taste of wine, for the love of cooking—don’t make this. It tastes like wine.

Next Week: Vinegar Pie

I’ve been craving a little detour. In the Appalachian episode of Parts Unknown, Anthony dines at a place called Lost Creek Farm. I recently joined their collective via Patreon to support their mission, and as a side benefit, I now have access to their recipes—including the iconic Vinegar Pie.

This dish (and Lost Creek Farm’s Mike Costello) was recently featured in Condé Nast Traveler’s 50 States 50 Desserts, and when I mentioned it, the ghost gave a delighted spin around the kitchen. Apparently, it’s divine.

If you haven’t watched the Appalachia episode yet, you should. It might give you a little hope.

Until then… here’s a clip from Archer, featuring none other than our ghostly muse himself. (Rated R for language, because of course it is.)

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